How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
