i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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