shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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