So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
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