So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
