I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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