I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
