is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!