I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.