so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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