remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?