Cold hands, warm shart.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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