So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
