so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
