I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
