Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
