so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
