We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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