I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
