your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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