idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
