Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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