Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
