I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Are we still banned from the library?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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