i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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