Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
