Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
