i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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