Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
