I cannot find my penis.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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