M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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