the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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