Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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