Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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