I haven't been this sober since birth.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
