OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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