you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
