she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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