Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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