Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
