Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
MIDGETS
????
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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