I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
