This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
