The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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