does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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