I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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