how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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