He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
