My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
