U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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