Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
