Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
