She said her name was "party"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
