I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
