come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
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He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We need a shit load of segways right now
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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