sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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