Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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