And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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