i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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