All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
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