Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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