so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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