When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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