This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize