Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
