I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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