dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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