When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
