It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
