I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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