This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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