went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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