Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
