I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
