if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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