Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
