can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
