the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
