Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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