Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize