So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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