i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
