This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
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The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
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I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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