Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
