she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
