i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
