Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
